come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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