his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
