I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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