i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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