I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
