i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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