If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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