i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize