either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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