then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
