nut hugger
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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