you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
