i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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