you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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