I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
