I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
