He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he thought i was a dude.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I would fuck him just for his dog
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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