Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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