To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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