i already hear my dad disowning me
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
being pregnant is like rehab
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
