I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
