i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
