I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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