Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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