why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
