I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
