he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
