He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Farmville is her only friend.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
