The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
