I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
