You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
