put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
