He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
