Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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