there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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