I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
The air was thick with penises
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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