don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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