...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize