Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
