3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
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