dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize