he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
