you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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