Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
