They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Randomize
