Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Randomize
