Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
