we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
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