I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
