Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
