Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Text me some of your sweat
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
