I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
There was a lot of him and a little penis
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
