Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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