what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
