yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
