You're my little dorito
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
