i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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