Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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