This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
