If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
