He disabled his match.com account in front of me
and i looked up. we had an audience...
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Randomize
