I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dignity is for republicans.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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