I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
