Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
