let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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