This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
