I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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