you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
