So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Randomize