fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
