She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
