I want to walk on stilts...naked
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
