it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Randomize
