i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
