Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
