we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
