Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
