You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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